Last day in Valencia and some reflections

My last day in Valencia was much needed. I had noticed that I had been talking about how bikable I thought cities were but I had never actually biked one (hypocrit!) granted it's not like I have a bike on me and I dont really like spending money. The difference today was I had friends who told me that this would show a different side of the city, be relaxing and fun. So I agreed. I have been pretty tense and probably not a lot of fun while I've been here so this day was very needed. 

So I got on my bike and we took off down the river/park which is still my favorite part of this whole city. And I was surprised by how much difference there was between walking and biking this path...I noticed things differently, not to mention I lovedddd how bike friendly this place is! Bike paths line the entire city and there were tons and tons of non tourist (and tourist) bikers everywhere sharing the lane. 

I got closer to the arts buildings and the aquarium and was absolutely amazed at just how beautiful they were up close and the design is much more green than I firsst realized. I'll have to look up if they are to LEAD standards because I would be surprised if they weren't.

(I am still unsure if you are allowed to jump into this body of water...but it took a lot of self control to not just dive right in...its freaking hot here)

proof I was there and that I'm getting a serious shoulder tan #goldengirl

With the bikes we were also able to find the Mediterranean and the beach (don't worry I didn't stay long---just long enough to take a nice salt water bath and love being in the refreshing cold water. Swimming is so fun, don't take this from me and it was also beautiful water

Now thats what I call a sandcastle 

love the mountains in the background

We grabbed lunch and I had the strength to finally order calamari (I was so nervous to order it because I'm terrified that they will just serve me a whole squid), but I toughened up because when you are this close to the water you need to get your hands on some fresh seafood! 

Dont't worry they didn'tserve me a whole squid and it was delcious and fresh (probably better than the prawns).

When I got back I caught up with people at home, wrote some postcards, and was surprised that it was already 9pm. I talked a little more to my friends and said goodbye as they had decided to go to Ibiza together the next day...their travels are planned day by day and are trying to find a mix of cool places to just see and party towns...spending 1-3 days there each...its cool, but I'm glad I have my schedule with a few more days in most places, with this stop being my shortest stop. 

Which brings me to right now. I'm on a bus headed four hours north to Barcelona. But I can't help but say that some of this trip is hard to process, especially in terms of my project. I am learning unbelievable amounts of things about cultures, languages, people, traveling, myself and sometimes it feels like its a lot to process everyday especially when the day to day has been varying so much. So I guess because I have the time now that I am alternating between staring at the beautiful Spanish country side and the movie Madagascar thats playing in Spanish on the bus that I might as well word vomit about my feelings regarding whats going well in the project, whats different as well as probably a lot of feelings about myself and my experience with all of this. So before moving forward remember the disclaimer in my very first blog post that said I'm not sure what this blog is going to turn into because I'm not sure what I'm going to need to write about seeing as I normally journal about my experiences but now I'm journaling so that strangers and my parents can read about my feelings...so don't judge me.

First of all I think part of me is still in denial that I'm actually doing this. It doesn't feel real. Even on my worst days I am unbelievably thankful for this experience. The support I've been getting from the Brueggeman Center and my fellow fellows, the friends (especially KG who has to listen to every nervous rant that lasts way too long) and parents, and the PPP program almost brings me to tears on the daily. I am so fortunate.

Which I guess brings me to my project itself, somedays I beliebe that I am doing great things and I'm exactly where I need to be and doing great work but other days I feel I'm letting the program down because I don't feel I have collected anything tangible. I have fallen into the routine of waking up and catching up on the other fellows blogs (which are AMAZING--everyone should check them out, they are seriously so beautifully done and I honestly can't believe how much closer I feel to all of the fellows now that we are doing this) and that reminds me why I'm here and how fortunate I am to be here and be surrounded (virtually) by such talented individuals. But sometimes I wake up and think "okay! today I'm going to have great conversations with everyone in this ciity and i'm not going to bed until I have written down the thoughts of five people!" other days are "I need to learn more about this culture while I'm here and figure out how this is playing into the actions of the people or the design of the city, I need to answer these questions for myself so I can better understand the things people are saying to me" and somedays I wake up and say "do the best you can today." This project hardly leaves my thougths and everywhere I turn there is information. I'm listening to the news and hearing about elections and why people are traveling to certain places and seeing how things like religion, monuments, public spaces are impacting the answers.

Yet somedays I just need to get outside of my own mind, but I never want to leave the project behind because its such a wonderful opportunity. Which is a lot, because as I said to my friend Michael when we were facetiming, I'm becoming my own best friend. Its great being your own best friend, but I'm learning it comes with a lot of conditions 

1) you are not allowed to be upset with yourself for not having all the answers or accomplishing every goal. If you are upset with yourself, you are then without your best friend which is tough when you are on your own. so be understanding. Also apologize (you guys should really hear the conversations I have with myself in my head somedays) "hmm so the map says go north so that means I'll go this way *proceeds to walk a mile south* wait, this is wrong. ugh why did I do that...wait, sorry, its okay, you probably needed some more exercise anyway. do not worry about it. thanks. good, okay, in the right direction we go!" see. its so great having an internal monologue that talks to itself. 

2) you have to listen more than you actually realize. By this I mean that I'm learning more about cues like "hunger, thirst, you've been walking for seven miles maybe you should sit down for a few minutes, who are trying to impress?" I guess when I'm with people (which I usually am) they will usually put down those cues or suggest food and then I follow up with "oh yeah, i should also do that" 

3) be honest with yourself. Don't try to trick yourself into thinking you definitely know the right way, or that you don't need to ask for help and definitely don't try to trick yourself out of your feelings. Some days I feel anxious and I need to respond to that or it builds. Some days I feel lonely and I need to find people to eat with and having a meaningful conversation with. 

4) its okay to a disagreement with yourself, but just be nice about it. Like I said before it does you no good to lose your biggest ally. Some mornings I wake up and just am at a lose for what I want from the day (I wish hostels offered yoga that would probably help) but trying to figure out exactly what my drive should be for the day sometimes needs to be a conversation. For example, I almost said no to the bike ride and being social which I know I needed because I wanted to check some dumb errands off the list (like check the directions to the bus station for the 17th time) and feeling anxious about packing up again. 

5) it feels really good to write this all down, because its cleariing room for other thoughts and feelings about this trip. 

Like more on my project! and I want to talk about Spain a little bit. This is the first Southern Europe country I've been to for this trip (obviously) but I've realized that I haven't made these distrinctions clear in my other posts. 

Until this point the western countries were different yes, different culture, some new foods some new languages, but generally the same western beliefs put into practice a little differently. There are the people who created the EU (and Germany will also be in this group  when I get there) but while I've learned a ton about each countries specific role (Ireland feels left out because they aren't on the mainland, UK wants to be left out but they also kind of  like some parts of it, France just likes feeling powerful) they are the trend setters. But now that I'm in Spain there has been a clear shift. and this is important to note for my project. For starters Spain is further left than the west and it is finally beginning to recover after some economic hardships...the unemployment rate for the younger generation is finally starting to go down (for certain ages groups it was upwards of 50%). This country is different. 

The history of this country is different, Spain expereinced the world wars differently than the western countries. Spain still has a king. They were under a harsh dicatatorship while the rest of Europe was trying to control Russia during the Cold War. They still have a king. Religious festivals are a big part of the culture (the French are scoffing at such superstition). Spainish people are different for starters one of my favorite things is how much people do not care what people think...from clothing to hair to things they say--the Spainish are wild, and its very charming. It just feels like everyone is being very real with themselves here, while in some of the western countries there are more norms to conform to. Spain does what it wants.You want to sleep in the middle of the day because its annoyingly hot and no one likes the middle of the day anyway? Okay. You want to open your restuarant at 9pm? Okay.  

The regions in Spain are treated more like countries than the country as a whole, even though it was unified in the fourteen hundreds. Barcelona doesn't speak Spanish, they get mad at you if you imply that. Valencian street signs are in differnet languages (which is especially difficult because the maps are written in Spanish--google maps too...its tough) because why should the street signs be in Spanish? We speak Valencian! 

With all that being said I am surprised by how much I am learning about the culture regarding energy efficiency. Everything and everyone is much more efficient but I don't think they even realize it. Compared to America everything in both the west and parts of the south I have seen in the south so far (and have a strong feeling about for the rest of the south) people use less and need less. Technology is being developed and used granted different methods are tried in each region/country but  they are all actively working on it. Europe may be a culture that as not as needy or as dependent on goods as Americans are (to be continued investigating...)

So what do they want?! I was disapointed that I feel short on finding English speaking Valencians to talk to but I found out more things about the over culture and feel of the country/region. I still have work to do in this country and I think I know have a pretty solid idea of how to accomplish that in Barcelona. Here's to hoping the rain will stay away for the next six days I'm here! 

Thanks for reading my rant, if you've made it to this point. I appreciate you.