Made it home

The last day...

Okay, so I'm about to go out to my last dinner and I just can't believe that my time is almost up. I'm trying not to dwell on it but the journey home and that next adventure all of a sudden seems so much more stressful! So here are some of the words from someone who is roughly 38 hours away from being asleep in a bed in Buffalo (long travel day tomorrow...ugh). 

I don't believe it. I know this will be my last post from abroad but I'm planning on posting at least two more times. One with a survey update (I'm waiting to have a laptop to look up those results and I will also try to send some more out to places where I do n't think I got enough substance) and also a more thorough reflection of the experience and probably a brainstorm of how I think I am going to try and put all of this information together because it has been ALL OVER THE PLACE!! With the history, to the politics, to debt crises, to interviews, to surveys, to the environment and sustainability and all of these are supposed to come together?! This project is something different then what I think I had planned for myself but, it happened, it actually happened. Regardless of if I make it home or not (I will) the adventure is in the books. 

I always feel weird before starting something that has been PROMISED to change my life. Because it's weird for me to start something knowing at the end I will, in some way, be a different person (and I like myself the way I am thank you very much)...and you don't know how, when, or why you'll change or if it'll be for the better or for the worst. So I tend to go into these things a little skeptical and hold on to who I think I am. But, I think this trip has shown me that Iam constantly changing, learning and growing and that change is justwhat happens...I think I have a new understanding of that now. 

So here I am...different than who I was 48 days ago...different from who I was four years ago. This trip home really is my end of my involvement with Xavier as a student. At graduation I was too worried about this for it to be "the end." Now it's the end. But it's okay...because this was one hell of a way to end my Xavier education. I learned so much in these past seven weeks and I hope by April I can coherently put into words how important the Brueggeman Center and Fellowship has been to me. 

I feel ready to take on the world, independent, but not alone. Wanting to create meaningful relationships in the world. To  never be comfortable and always challenging things. So thats where I am...and I don't think I could have said that seven weeks ago. I know that that is what I wanted for myself after graduation...now this is what I am demanding from myself and I know I can and I won't let myself stop, I guess.

(quick side note that really doesn't have to do with anything but I have to tell someone: today in my hostel room one of the top bunks just disappeared, it was gone probably all day...it was still gone when I got back. I took a shower and have been sitting here typing and reading for a while and I just looked up and the bed is back?!?! okay so there is a ghost, casual, good). 

Now, back to this, but not really becasue I realize I'm running out of words right now. I have a lot of feelings that I want to write down but I haven't figured it out yet...just like I've learned a lot of things but have no way how to put it together in a way that anyone else can understand. 

So I guess I'll leave you with this...this was the most important thing I've ever done. 

Also, thank you people who have read this...I appreciate it, I would've been bored and fed up with this a long time ago but really thanks for sticking with my jumbled thougths (also thanks mom, dad, kg, kayla, fellows, and entire support system who checks up on me...I for realz could not have done it without you and am so so grateful). <3

The Eternal City --The Selfie City

 I guess before I get into Roma I should start by saying that I forgot two big parts in my posts from Germany! That whole sustainability thing that makes me love Germnay so much in the first place...so I realize I COMPLETELY left that part out, my bad everyone. I know you have just been sitting at home shaking your head in disappointment, I get it, me too. 

So anyways, now that I am like a week removed from Deutschland sorry if this seems rushed and not put together I'll make it as coherent as I can...

1) alternative energy sources- Germany is covered in windmills. Last year I was on a boat that went by the whole northern coast of Germany and thats when I first noticed it...miles and miles of a windpark it was unbelievable to see. And then on my flight in to Berlin I looked down and was amazed at the fields of mills there were hundreds...but we aren't stopping there either because there were more on my bus to Eichstaett!! AND closer to Ingolstadt, so definitely in Bavaria the villages all have solar panels on their roofs. THE WHOLE TOWN! It is amazing to see becasue it is definietly a mentality shift that is completely different than in America! 

2)Next- the dorm I was staying in in Eichstaett was older, not exactly state of the art but there were many passive aggressive notes saying things like TURN THE LIGHTS OFF WHEN YOURE DONE WE HAVE TO SAVE ENERGY IDIOTS (along those lines). So its great to see how the younger generation has also taken this up. 

3)Berlin also had a big showing of electric cars (and just really cool cars in general, hot damn), which was similar to Paris, I thought, probably because (in my mind at least) these are the two biggest EU hubs..I mean I know theres Brussels and everything, but Paris and Berlin really seem to be the movers and shakers. 

Okay so that is a bit of a catch up, sorry again. 

NOW FOR ROMA! 

I guess I can start with where I just left off, the hostel I'm staying in believes strongly in energy saving methods and they put a nice sign in our room explaining that we aren't allowed to turn the AC on. Which is great for the planet but bad for me and everyone who needs to smell me (its a bad siutation, I left my soap in Eichstaett so I've been stealing other peoples, but just don't tell them, okay? It's for the greater good so my moral compass checks out). But really, no one ever has AC on here. I remember once being told that some Italians think that it brings spirits or bad vibes or some weird superstitious bs. So yes, those superstitious Catholics are at it again. 

So I wish I had spent more time in different parts of Italy, namely because the three universities I dropped by were all empty...I think this must be the week off before summer classes start because that was what was about to happen in Eich. So, yes, better planning could have helped that but let's not forget that I didn't actually believe I would make it to this part of the trip. I don't know I just never thought through and the "and then one day you will be in Rome and you will be finishing your project" I think my thought process was probably just "lol Rome"...so that's reassuring to everyone, sorry. I know it wasn't my finest moment, but I think most universities are at a lull right now. 

SO I thought I'd dig a little bit more into the recent history of Rome to see what I could find. As I mentioned in an earlier blog the cities of Paris and Berlin really resonated with me for the emotion that they carried. Rome doesn't have that, it is similar(ish) to Athens in the sense that it knows that it has a history but it is completely over it. So I was sitting on this thought and then I realized, wait, no, Rome does have a past that should give me this feeling...

(See, no feeling! Thousands of people died here) 

so I jumped on the metro and had it take me to the EUR, which stands for Esposizione Universale Roma also known in my mind as Mussolini's Rome. I knew that it is mostly a residential area now and full of facist architechure but I didn't know what to expect after that. I was reflecting on the feeling that this city on the outskirts of the city gave me after I spent the afternoon wandering...it's doom. That is the only way to describe how this place makes me feel. Maybe I'm just being dramatic, but with the strong white marble and empty sidewalks (people were driving everywhere and there were tons of cars but NO ONE was walking down the streets AT ALL) this is a city guys. It was weird. 

The not so famous(?) square colosseum. We need those 90 degree angles 

(Me and fascism!!)

This is my art 

There was no public spaces...I thought I saw a park, but it was just two trees planted near each other.

It was really something else. I think the creepist part for me was thinking about how most of this was built in like the 20s-30s but it is meant to resemble Ancient Greek architechure so the statues of the gods look like they should be at least 2000 years old when really they are less than 100. It's creepy, right? So no wonder no one wants to get out of their cars. There is no public space because no one watns public space (also fascism) and it has a really errie heavy feel. 

So there was that. 

Outside of this weird little place though, nationalism seems pretty strong in Italy definitely moreso than in Germany or France and Spain (wow I just ran through all of the countries in my head deciding which ones were more or less or about the same thats werid). 

 

Also great in Roma! On my first night here I posted a picture of my food on the interweb because that is what Americans do when they eat pasta

...and I got a message from my long lost cousin Angela (we haven't seen each other in probably three years) that she JUST started her study abroad trip in Rome! So I was very happy to meet up with her for lunch (she's so big and 20 and everything OMG) so that pic will probably make my grandma really happy :) yay crazy things happening! 

Also wonderful is I have a friend (and one of the other fellows' roommate, hey Haley!), Sydney, who is interning in Rome for the summer so we were able to get dinner which was lovely. We got gelato afterwords and it was so hot that I was completely and disgustingly covered in melted chocolate and gelato and didn't know what to do about it (I complained a lot and poured hand sanitizer all over myself until Syd said, hey there is a fountain right there...thanks for always coming in strong Syd). 

And, as today is my last day (sob) I had to go hang out in the Jesuit headquarter church. I spent a lot of time in there, like more than I've ever willingly spent in a church, ever. It was such a beautiful and amazing church and I had to light a candle for the fellows because XAVIERS ALWAYS GOT YOUR BACK GUYS, I just made sure of it! 

Also fun. Someone found Francis Xavier's arm. They decided to put it here. Really, really great and normal idea.

Still trying to decide how inappropriate taking a picture with the dead severed arm of my university's namesake is...but went for it anyways? 

I'm imagining that he is waving goodbye to me and wishing me a safe journey home! ...and a safe journey into THE REST OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING BACK TO X IN THE FALL (so many tears have been shed over this). 

Some more food 

ALSO it is very important that everyone knows that my Professor, Dr James Buchanan, who has been my mentor through this whole process will be heading here to Rome on Tuesday in order to open his exhibit in the Vatican! I know this project has been a really long time coming and I can't believe I missed it by less than three weeks! 

Anywa, if you're in Rome from the end of July to mid September check it out! It's going right there

Eichstaett - Oak City

So last year I spent a month learning German in the little village of Eichstaett, which is about an hour and a half north of Munich. 12,000 people live here. 4,000 of them are students. This is my favorite place. 

I just wanted to do a quick stop over here because my friend who goes to Canisius (school that my mom teaches at!!) is still studying there and said I could crash on his floor (yes free housing!!) So I met up with Matt and even though he is also from Buffalo we have actually only seen each other in Eichstaett, crazy right?! (last time I was in Buffalo I told him we should hang out and he told me he was sleeping...this is real friendship guys). 

So even though it was a quick weekend trip it was a great time. Not only was it Fourth of July Weekend but it was also the big festival weekend for Eich and all 12,000 people must have been there. Plus, since I was staying in a dorm TONS of alumni were flocking in to celebrate. It was an awesome mix of people (and it was kind of fun to be in a dorm/college apartment thing again). 

For the Fourth, Matt got all the other Americans to come over and grill out. So even though we had to improvise (eating raw spatzle and wurst included) it was as American as we could make it. One of my new German friends was so excited she brought a cooler with Dr. Pepper, ICE(!), other American things, American flag banners to hang up and an actual American flag. So yes, with our American playlist and grill we were a huge mess of Americans singing and laying on the grass because it was still 90 degrees all day. But don't worry, we didn't just keep to ourselves, we socialized with the German students and some of the other international students...we're so inclusive, because we are American. 

But this festival is probably what you want to know more about, right? So here's the thing about Bayern (better known as Bavaria, its one of the German states)...it is hard core the Texas of Germany. And by that I mean it is fiercly independent, culturally and traditionally strong, and more conservative than the rest of the country. Now that we are celebrating this everyone has wipped out their drindls and lederhosen...which isn't that weird because I see people casually walking around in them more often than you would think...its completely normal in Bavaria, but no where else in Germany (some parts of Austria too, I believe).

I got to wear the hat

old pic that happened to still be on my ipad of my drindl (don't worry it actually fits me now, but HOW CUTE ARE THEY!? ...we should also make this a norm in our culture  BECAUSE I LOVE THEM)

So there is traditional Bavarian music playing at two of the three main squares in the "city center" and the third has like electronic music as it got later into the night (rolls eyes). Another one of my favorite things about this village is that it has its own local brewery...and I'm not talking like a microbrew like the ones that are popping up all over the US. I mean like a very well established beer that is only sold in and around Eichstaett, Hofmuhl. ...they sell it in vendering machines, for .80euro. So beer is good, but don't worry I was trying to drink as much water as possible with how hot it was and how much time I was spending outside in the sun and walking around. 

I had a lot of informal conversations with people about my project and everyone was interested/moderately excited about it...unfortunately I don't have anything solid enough to quote and write down BUT LEARNING HAS TAKEN PLACE I PROMISE. I did get to have one conversation that I wasn't expecting with Matt and two guys from Croatia...when Matt told me, "yeah, like he was alive during the war, actually, didn't your home town get bombed, dude?" it did. So, yeah, that was the first time I'd ever met anyone who had been bombed and also he was younger than me...so that left an impact. WAR IS BAD EVERYONE. 

Anyways, I was excited to go to the university on Monday...but then I learned that my hostel in Rome was booked a day earlier than I thought so ten hours after this realization I jumped on the train sad that I had messed up the dates and knowing I should have spent more time here (but also Matt was relieved because he had exams on Tuesday, which are hard enough without having a smelly urchine sleeping on your floor). I think I had just been in denial that I would ever make it to the final travel day (before my actual final travel day). 

So even though it was a short trip, Eichstaett will always hold such a special place in my heart <3 

Ich bin ein Berliner

Hallo Welt!

So Amanda needs an emotions update to catch everyone up. With forty days under my belt I think my body has hit a wall. Not like a "i'm dead, i can't go forward" wall just like a "hello, amanda, this is your body, please stop for me hot second and then we'll be great, thanks!" wall. 

I can only imagine that Jesus felt the same way after wandering around the desert for 40 days. This is exactly the same situation. So I hope those of you at home aren't (1) judging me for not working hard enough (2) worried about me because body is tired. 

Quick update: my phone has been keeping track of my steps/miles (who knew it did that) and at this point I've clocked in at about 350 miles walking so far, so a little less than 10 miles a day everyday...legs need an oil change or to rotate wheels or something. 

So my first day here I got myself situated and figured out my life/laundry and then made it to Humbolt Universitat, but as soon as I got there I didn't feel "well" and not like death life threatening illness (dad) but I wasn like hmm talking to people could go south really fast should I throw up on them. So I walked it off and felt better by the end of the day to have dinner with a girl in my hostel room. 

The second day I was going to get my train ticket to Eichstatt (I WILL NOT MISS ANOTHER TRIP DAMN IT) and then went to head back to Humbolt. It was a beautiful day *~walked in the wrong direction*~went to the wrong train station *~got to train station for host in Eich to tell me to get a bus ticket instead*~walk to bus station*~not actually a bus station*~just buys ticket online*~feels a lot of feelings about how much time was wasted in this journey*~eats more currywurst*~is extremely sunburnt*~accidentally walked 15 miles*~nothing was accomplished. BUT MAN WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND A BEAUTIFUL CITY TO BE LOST IN (positive attitudes- I don't have perfect control over my life and I'm not going to pretend I do). It was a long, lonely day, but I am getting better at not talking to people for a few days at a time, also I'll be meeting up with another host tomorrow so I can live. 

Some of the pictures from my day of being infinitely lost but happy about it:

the river Spree!!!

there were just a lot of trees

So today I woke up in a very hot room (see the blog post "strange bedfellows" where I talk about all the weird things people do in hostels/give the lowdown on my living situations...I think it's entertaining), with sunburn, and a throbing knee and thought "yup, might need to take it easy today" then check my messages and my host in Bavaria sent me a message saying that when i get to Eichstatt there is going to be a pickup soccer game and I should play (because I'm so sporty) and deal with the rage of the Germans who are upset about the women's World Cup game. Awesome. So today will be a day of rest, back to Jesus in the desert theme, he was sunburnt too, probably. 

Now that that is all out of the way with the big take aways (1) I'm fine (2) sleep when you're dead is not reasonable advice...probably rest your body now so you can finish strong (3) my legs are jacked I can move on to some of the happenings of Berlin. Because while I am physically out I have read up on somethings and have some truly inspired insights (ramblings of a delusional woman.)

Okay so for those of you who don't know me you should probably know that Germany is like my favorite country. It is so interesting and specifically Bavarian (where I'll be heading tomorrow) because traditional Bavarian culture is hands down the cutest culture in the world. But Berlin is truly an amazing city, the first time I came here was about six years ago, I was traveling with a concert band of other students and this is when I really started to love history. I was blown away by Check Point Charlie and confused about the amount of suffering that happened in this city and how I just didn't know about it. And I think a lot of Americans don't know about it. Germany has such a sad recent history  and any time you talk to any American they just say "haha we won the war." Which drives me absolutely insane because if you take a step back to World War II you had three options (1) you were brainwashed (2) you were killed (3) you lived in fear ....NO ONE WHO WAS SOUND OF MIND LIKED THIS REGIME. No one. Families had to watch their sons be brainwashed and if they spoke out they died. Their culture, their freedom was stolen from them. This war completely and utterly destroyed Germany including the spirits of the people who lived...those who survived despit living in fear for all of those years, working under cover, thsoe who were able to recover their minds after the Nazi regime. So, when I hear people talking about how "we won the war" to the German people I just see the German people think back to how much they unwillingly lost. They were looking for economic hope they didn't want what this regime gave. Anyway, thats just my opinion. 

And then there is the Cold War. I know we talk about the Berlin Wall in school but it is honestly just like one of the worst things of the past half century. And America could have done something. Half of this city was held hostage for THIRTY YEARS. and this is like my parents generation, and the generation who is currently in power. I think there is a really strong Zeitgiest here from that time. I think freedom means something different to Berliners. I'm just so amazed at international dipolmacy sometimes. Like, I KNOW WHAT WILL PROVE COMMUNISM IS RIGHT I'M GOING TO BUILD A WALL DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CITY AND PUT LAND MINES AND BRAINWASHED SOLDIERS THERE TO SHOOT ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE (say to visit family, go to work, hang out). THAT'LL SHOW THEM! HAHA! IM A MAN THIS IS WHAT MEN DO! (sorry men, I know you aren't all like this).

What a world.   

so, yes, the Berlin Wall is terrifying to me and the thought of it coming down just makes me cry. Things that make me cry for another reason *~it has become a point of tourist speculation~* Like there are some really, really good and important museums here and very informative signs everywhere. But there is also a giant building that says "THE BERLIN WALL, SEE IT IN PANORAMA VIEW!!" so yeah, that's appealing to the Americans and I think super disrespectful to the Berliners who have to walk past it everyday. ...I know KG feels the same way about the Roman Colosseum, but this is different, that, at least is an acheologica and architechural wonder that was also used for evil. This wall was just evil.  

Also don't know how I feel about this sign:

(please note that as soon as you enter the American sector you arrive at a McDonalds. I made sure to get it into the picture)

Like, America, why do you need a bigger ego? You did not really help this sitution too much because you let it go on FOR THIRTY YEARS and Gorbechev was the reason it fell, not you. 

So yeah, there is Amanda's version of German/Berlin history for you, whether you wanted it or not. But I think it sets the stage nicely for the Zeitgeist I mentioned earlier. Germany, as a world leader is on top of its game, but it is so cautious. Merkle is not perfect but I think she will be known forever for all she has done for Germany and for Europe. 

IT JUST CUTS THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF A SIDEWALK JUST A RANDOM STREET AND YUP NO MORE

Reminder: the wall came down in 1989 that is 26 years ago. I'm 22. This newly unified country having fought and lost and been divided again is now just a few years older than me. Granted West Germany was moving forward without East Berlin/Germany for that time but they were functioning out of Bonn, they didn't even have their real capital. Imagine if we just had to pick up D.C. and put it in Pierre for a bit. 

So if there is one country who is all in on an united Europe its these guys right here. And this is why I think Germany is currently like the best country in the world. To an outsider, Germany is working so hard to be accomadating, to be strong and accepting  and the leaders in innovating a greener world. Germany is smart and Germany works hard. You can feel the pace is much faster here than in the other cities I've been too (close to London, but just feels way less touristy). The buildings are serious but beautiful and open. They fill every open space with greenery. --The river Spree is *clean*-- A lot of things ae going right for Berlin, but they carry the weight of their past and the responsibility of Europe's future...so thats rough. I think we should all be a lot nicer to Germans.   

   

Grand Budapest Hostel

First: important thing that I left out of Mac post (I told you I would). Ana teaches at a foreign language center. Like they have schools outside of schools to help supplement what students are learning in school or learn a new language all together. Ana, being fluent in Macedonian, German, and English has always just amazed me with how much she knows and I got to see where it all took place! She only had one German student when I went, a young girl who just wanted to be better at German (starting to see some differences than in American life?? Can we make these schools a cultural norm like right now, okay? thanks). It was speaking, grammar and writing. Ana even asked her to write a page on "what does your homeland mean to you?" She wrote a lot about the cultural importance of her home and her family. Which, as an outsider completely eavesdropping, seemed completely on par with what I was observing. The culture was so alive and unique compared to the places I had been which had too much of western boringness mashed in. And family, oh my god, family was overwhelming important. I met Ana's mom, dad, cousin, other cousin, aunt uncle, two more cousins from different places, and one more cousin...all of these were separate trips to meet them. And then her friends- I met all their siblings and cousins too. So much love. Overwhelmed, in a good way. So yeah, thats a little more on my Macedonian life.  

And now, well I made it to Budapest a little late but definitely better than never. I'm a little sad because this was already my shortest stop over, coming here almost on a whim from a suggestion from the ever amazing Liz Harter. 

So not the most thorough investigation but wow is this city amazing. I feel like there is a whole history of the world that has been hidden from me. Hungary--tell me your secrets!! Besides the absolutely gorgeous architecture of the city and the citadel I was think this city felt the most like an American city, which was the opposite of what I was expecting. I can't place my finger on it exactly but it was both uniquely its own but also had flavors of a lot of the other places I've visited.

I was able to briefly hear from Rebeka, a wonderful Hungarian woman who is studying in Budapest. I asked her opinion on Hungary in the EU because just from an observers standpoint, it is so western but also something else entirely. There were times I felt like I was in America and times where I was just like, huh. This is neat. She said she had a lot of thoughts but said that in short she think Hungary should definitely be a part of it. (we're friends on facebook, i'm going to try to get some more thoughts :P) 

Side note: while I was here I finished my second book (again for those of us reading along on Amanda's book club it was Edge of Eternity by Ken Follett) which was a historical fiction book that was really focused on the Cold War (highly recommend but you should start with Fall of Giants, obviously). Anyways it was awesome reading about the Hungarian dissidence movement and the roles that the people and governments of satellite countries played in the Cold War. Again, I feel like there is a whole history I need to know (I'll be reading up on that soon). Also the book ended with the fall of the Berlin Wall and I started crying and I'm also on my way to Berlin now so I'm probably going to cry there too. ~totally in control of all emotions~

(Book club members: Next on the list is the Dovekeepers...stay tuned ;) )

Also I was struck by the role of the Catholic Church in the Cold War (lets remember that travel was restricted until 1989--so the new Hungary is about as old as my brother). JPII had an awesome quote: 

Man does this guy know how to bring down Communism. But religion, here, and in Poland, was the anti-Communism, its what people clung on to in order to preserve their freedom. Wild. Especially compared to the French who literally waged a war on the church. So, wow. Religion is big here. I also was wandering around when I was waiting for my hostel room to open up (see my last post about that adventure) and happily wandered around the Jewish Quarter where I got probably the world's best bagel and saw the Great Synagogue...its really beautiful and I haven't seen enough of them. 

And lastly, on religion, we see it on money and on top of the citadel. I wasn't able to take a great picture because of the angle but there is a statue of one of the saints on top of the cliff holding a cross out and blessing the city (small scale Rio I suppose?) 

Two of my favorite things I got to do were (1) climbing the cliff to the citadel, it was like a completely left the city that was 20 feet behind me and in a whole new place. It was a beautiful, spur of the moment hike. 

I love this one 😍😍

The second thing was the outdoor geothermal baths (basically just a pool that was naturally heated...and it was HOT). I know my mom is reading this and thinking about how disgusting it is. Yes and it was amazing. I didn't get any pictures because *water* but it was a really neat experience. 

Some other pics of water 

My feet are saved...ahhhh

Budapest wins for best view at night   

Some more pics...sorry (not really) 

Got some Georgian food for lunch ............so good. Note: the pepper to the left IS REALLY HOT